Household Feminism

When I was eight, my older sister was visiting home from college. She made an offhand, positive remark about feminists. My younger sister asked, "Dad, what's a feminist?" The corner of his mouth turned up slightly as he said, "An ugly woman."

Being a family of 5 females versus 2 males, the older women folk exploded. "NO, that is NOT what a feminist is!" "She's too young to understand jokes like that!" After the dust settled a bit, my mother told my oldest sister to define "feminist" for my younger sister and me.

"A feminist is a person who thinks that a woman is just as good as a man, and should have the same rights."

Now that I'm (much) older, this definition holds true for me.  It's broad, simple, and inclusive.  Women are a diverse lot, and being both "just as good as a man," and having the same rights (for example, agency in choices) allows women such a broad range of freedom and lifestyles.  Women aren't quite there, yet, but we're a heck of a lot closer than we were back when, say, we were legal property.

Now hang on, there, Spamifred, you can't be feminist because you like traditionally feminine things.  You teach school; you enjoy needlecrafts; you got married; you clean.

True, true, but I don't think those interests are incompatible with feminism at all.  Yes, I work in a (now) traditionally female occupation.  But even so, I am the breadwinner and was even before my husband lost his job.  I do what I love to do, and I'm taking care of my family at the same time.  Besides, all those hints that feminist women shouldn't do things like teach or become nurses is incredibly degrading to those professions.  Rather than give the side eye to women who choose to enter those professions, why not work to re-establish them as respectable callings?

As for the other things on my list, they are either examples of me having the ability to choose what to do with my body, time, and energy or examples of providing for my family.  I enjoy needlecrafts because it's relaxing and I get to wear the end result.  It's a personal choice.  It's not like I'm sitting there knitting doilies like some angsty Victorian teenager waiting for her beau to propose.  I clean the house because, frankly, my kid needs a clean place to run around.  Having a clean house is more important than who does it.  And you know?  My husband does all the laundry and childcare while I'm at work.  I think that evens things out a bit in the gender division of labor department.  I got married, yes.  There's a tax benefit to it and culturally there's a significance in the ritual - you can swear up and down inside and out to each other that you are committed to each other for life, but standing up in front of friends and family and making that same promise takes on a whole different level of seriousness.  Like, now it's for real because you mom heard you say that!  I did keep my name, though, because I like it.

To me, living in a feminist household is more about working together to accomplish goals than focusing on who does what.  My husband does the child care and he changes the oil in the car.  I'm often in charge of the grill.  Spiders and other bugs (except wasps...:shudder:) we deal with on a Who Sees It First basis.  Same goes with the dishes.  To me, it's feminist because we balance our lives based on our individual strengths, not on our sex chromosomes.  It's feminist because my husband doesn't expect me to do traditionally feminine things, and I don't assume he will do traditionally masculine ones.  Neither one balks at "women's work," or "man stuff."

Of course, none of this really touches on the major issues outside of my own little house.  That is a much bigger topic for another day.