Thursday, August 25, 2011

Size 7

Last year around this time a bunch of my friends had suggestive Facebook statuses: "I like it on the kitchen table," "I like it on the floor," etc.

It was one of those breast cancer awareness "campaigns," where you were supposed to write where you keep your purse as your status.  Those out of the loop were supposed to be scratching their heads at how saucy these people were while the rest of us giggled.

I was pretty upset.

My mom had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and here were a bunch of (probably) well-intentioned people making light of it, trivializing it, turning it into something that they could use to become attention-whores or part of an "in" crowd.

I don't know about you, but I haven't run across anyone who looks at me, startled and amazed and says, "Oh wow, cancer in the BREAST?  I had no idea you could get cancer there!" when I mention that my mom passed away.  I think most people are pretty aware.

So this year there's a new "campaign."  Write your shoe size.  Yeah yeah yeah, it's supposed to be "secret," and "fun."  But again this year I'm pretty annoyed and what I think of is the phrase, "Act your age, not your shoe size."  How many people will giggle and write "size 8!" and then...that's it?  I guess I just don't see how it actually does anything to help cancer patients.  This is the third year in a row that I've seen these statuses around: write the color of your bra, write where you like to put your purse, write your shoe size.

"Black - but that's only because I still have both my breasts."
"I like it on the kitchen counter, but I'd really rather be able to hear my mom complain about me leaving my stuff out all the time just once  more."
"7.5, but I wish I could go shoe shopping with my mom again."

Done and done and I feel good, and cool, and part of the in-crowd and I never have to actually do anything to help anyone.

So please, instead of throwing up a status that you'll forget you wrote next week, be creative.  There are lots of things you can do.

1.  Donate to a cause.  You all know of one (:ahem:), and even if you can only contribute $20, or $10, or $5, or $1 it will make a difference and be appreciated.

2.  Participate in a walk or fundraiser yourself.

3.  Volunteer at a hospital or other treatment center.  AND A WORD ABOUT THIS.  When my mom was in the hospital two volunteers came by and asked if they could do anything for her.  She said, "Yes.  I haven't had my Starbucks for a week.  Do you think you could find me some coffee?"  They went out and got her the first coffee she'd had in what, for her, was practically an eternity.  It took them about 3 minutes to find the coffee at the nurse's station, bring it to her, and make her day.  When the nurse came back and asked her if she needed more pain meds, my mom smiled, held up her little styrofoam cup, and said, "No, I've got my coffee!"  It didn't cost the volunteers anything but TIME, and they gave her about 30 minutes of delight in the middle of a mind-blowingly painful (physically and emotionally) time.

4.  If you knit or crochet, you can make chemo-caps and donate them.

5.  Make meals for the families of hospice patients.

6.  Donate crossword, sudoku, puzzle books, or other kinds of quiet entertainment to a cancer ward.

I know I'll see about a million status updates that say, "Size 9!"  But my sister's Bocce Ball fundraiser has only 9 people signed up to attend (out of more than 400 invited).  The cost is less than taking 2 people to the movies, and it'll be a lot of fun.  

If money is your hang-up, first remember that even if you can't afford to donate much (believe me, I KNOW this feeling), even the cost of a frappucino helps...and then if you still don't want to donate money, then you can volunteer your time.  It's free to you and makes a world of difference to the people you help.

And now I'm going to climb down off of my soapbox and go to work in my size 7 shoes.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting your feelings about this...I couldn't agree more!
I too have lost a Mother to Breast Cancer..and it sucks! I do not like Pink ribbons, I have trouble feeling bad for people who's cat fluffy died of cancer...and they feel the need to take a few days off work because they can't handle it; the comparison is just not the same.
I wish people spent as much time finding a way to help the Mom who works, goes to Chemo appointments, takes her kid to practice, cooks dinner, and struggles because she has to pay the bills.
I wish that people didn't think: 'repost this message if you support the fight against cancer'...was good enough to make them feel good about themselves.
I saw a lot of kindness and beauty during our time struggling with Cancer, but it also angered me at the stupidity that still exists.
I don't know what the best answers are, or what to say to people who ask 'how are you doing'? anymore...if you're not there, or have lived it...there really is just no words to explain it.
I thank those people who help during those times...they are true Angels.

On a limb with Claudia said...

Lovely and very well said!! Wouldn't it be lovely if everyone who wrote their bra/shoe/purse status donated even one dollar.

Can you share a link to the bocci ball event?

Spamifred said...

Thank you for your comments! It's nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way.

The Bocce Ball event is here:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this. The latest 'I'm ___ weeks and craving ___ ' for "breast cancer" is not only insulting towards those women with breast cancer, but also those suffering infertility.

It's too bad careless energy is wasted like this and people don't know what support truly is. Hopefully they will never experience a situation when they have to learn the hard way. Your list of helpful things to do is 1000x more useful and so eloquently written.

Chicken Julie said...

CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP. Thanks for the reality check, the voice of reason, and the GREAT suggestions. Also, hugs. I'm so sorry.

Heather said...

It is insulting and apathetic for people to think a silly status raises awareness. You've got it right, sister.